I actually looked at my original list of things to write about for the A to Z challenge and found a bunch that I am a little sad I didn’t use:
Electricity, Internet, Model Kits, Photography
But we can’t change the past, so lets move on. S could be for shyness, or stress, but I feel like I have talked a lot about that and you all know that i’m a natuaral born worrier by now. So I will try to get it back how it started and talk about posessions and things that relate to me in terms of physical things, not internal struggles.
So S is for Shoes, or more realistically, trainers. But that’s not an S word so we’ll stick to calling them Shoes in the general sense. I tend to wear the same shoes every day for ages, until they are done basically. This is in the winter, when I wear outdoor walking shoes. In the summer I switch to Converse and maybe wear a pair for a week, then switch to another pair. Or that’s what I did last year. I’m hoping to do the same this year if/when we actually get some summer weather. But since I have trips for work at the moment, i’m wearing these little black canvas things with no arch support and the guy I go on the trips with walks really fast so my poor feet are always needing to recover afterwords so I stick with the outdoor shoes as i’m used to them. Sometimes I will buy new shoes from the internet, most of them sit there in my wardrobe in a box for years and years, unworn, while I continue to wear the same ones over and over and buy new ones. It’s really not very good. I think to myself, yeah buy these and I have a spare pair so I don’t need to buy ones later. It doesn’t really work out that way. I’ve bought 3 pairs in the last month. Two of them sort of hurt my heels. Great worthwhile purchases huh? I really need to stop buying and clear my room out because I have too much of everything and no room for new stuff. And even although I buy new clothes, I don’t wear them but wear the old ones instead. I would actually like to be one of those people that can carry their posessions in one case. They just have the basics that they need, without all this unneccessary clutter. When I shop with my sister, I end up buying tons of things I will never use. When I shop myself (I don’t do this a lot, I don’t like to shop) I very rarely buy anything. I would say she’s the reason for a lot of my clutter, with the exception of books and DVDs, because that’s all me.
So S is for Shoes. And that I have too many of them.
As far as I know, it is recommended that adults get 7-8 hours sleep a night. I usually go to bed around 11pm and on weekdays I get up at 5:40am for work. So I almost make my 7 hours. I try to do this as much as I can, having longer in my bed at the weekends. I also find that when I feel stressed, or too tired, lying on my bed with my eyes closed listening to music can relax me and help my mind stop for a bit. I think rest is important, and where we can, we should all aim to have a good sleep, or times where we can just lie down for an hour and do nothing. We’re not machines.
What if this happens?
What if that happens?
What if I am this?
What if I am that?
If we switch the questions off and give our brains a rest, things would be better, easier, quicker and less stressful.
So what anyway? No matter what the outcome, it’s always manageable without too much hassle, so why bother questioning it all in the first place?
I always strive to do things on time, and to the best of my ability. When I have a large amount of work on my desk, it frustrates me when there is noise around me, and when other people at work appear to be doing nothing – chatting and messing around when I am doing heaps of work, some of which needs their input that I may have been waiting days for. Sometimes I wonder if I should just try to relax a bit, not care about the pile of work I have and just doddle through it without a care in the world, like the others do. But I can’t. It bothers me if someone has been waiting more than a day for an email reply, It bothers me when people around are laughing and I am hard at work, perhaps I am too much of a perfectionist. Trying to get most done, and as best as it can be. But we’re paid to work, not chat. So work is what I do. No time for play.
P is also for “Pretty Little Liars” which is one of my favourite TV shows, and a sure way to remove the brain from the days cares and sink into the show, hanging on every word to see who’s after the main characters this time, and who is part of the A team. It’s just such an awesome show with so many elements bunged in. Much recommended.
I’m not a risk taker. I’m a stickler for the rules. I’m also very very wary of trying new things. So there’s many missed opportunities that I have passed by. I have the opportunity to learn new things at home, gather new skills and improve on the ones I do have, then try to get a better job somewhere that I will enjoy more. Do I do it? No. Am I lazy? Maybe. As an individual I guess during our life we have the opportunity to do a lot of things, but I stick to the rules I have learned from my parents, I feel I can’t leave responsibilities behind on others, so I don’t move out and get a place of my own. An opportunity in itself to increase my confidence, meet new people, get some real life friends and socialise. Do I do it? No. Even when i’m at work, or out with friends. “Miss your usual bus, stay here for a bit longer?” Do I do it? No. I need to stick to a routine schedule. Or so I tell myself. Do I need to? No again. So there’s the opportunity for a lot of things, and I don’t take them. Maybe I just need to learn to change, one small step at a time.
I found myself frustrated last night when I realised that M was supposed to be for Music, I had just forgotten. Oh well.
Today is a new day after all, so it doesn’t matter anymore. N is today’s letter, and N is for Nerves. I get nervous about everything, really. I’m nervous about a trip I am doing on Monday and Tuesday. I’ve been nervous about this since last Wednesday when I finished my last trip.
I’m nervous about the work I am doing right now and whether it is correct, I’m nervous about something I need to do before the trip but am unsure how to do it, so I need to wait for a workmate to help me. I’m nervous about what will happen if he has not got time to help me out. These are just some examples. If I need to buy a bus ticket, I get nervous about that too. I’m hoping one day I can overcome this, and be more confident and more strong and not worry about every tiny thing because the outcome is always okay, and even if it wasn’t I could deal with it. But saying this to yourself and actually making myself work on these words is not an easy task.
Maybe M is more fitted to Monday, since today is a Monday. But I have had a terrible Monday at work today, so I don’t want to dwell on it because to tell the truth I was so annoyed at work I could have cried.
M is for Money. Yes, this is also connected to work and mondays, because would we be at work on a Monday were it not for Money? Depending on the job I guess. But for me, no. I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t get paid. And I think I can safely say the same for all other office workers out there. Money is the root of everything I guess. Money gets you things, whether it is a house, or a trip somewhere. Even little things like books, CDs, DVDs, all of these things you can only get with money. We all dream of one day winning the lottery and getting enough money to leave our job and enjoy our life. Me included, except I don’t actually buy a damn ticket so it’s pointless to even dream of winning. Sometimes I will buy a ticket, but most of the time I will decide beforehand that it’s a waste of £1 and I won’t win anyway.
At the same time though, I think it’s possible to live a healthy, happy life without a horrendous amount of money. It just depends where you are, and your situation.
M is for Money because today I wondered if it was worth it. Is all the stress of my job worth it for the money I get? I’m still debating that one.